I'm dying inside. Eating myself up from the inside out. Driving my emotions into a huge panick, causing deranged thoughts to infection my mind. Thoughts of hurting myself, hating others, pushing everyone away all because I'm running from myself. Hiding from the disgusting self-loathing creature that is stalking me. I lie to hide my truth, to make myself seem better than I am. I contradict myself all the time, like I am different people constantly having a debate. My intentions aren't clear anymore, my drive faded into dullness. I have nothing to give to the world anymore, but the thoughts that go through my mind. Does anything I do mean anything? I am worth something or nothing? Why am I so pathetic? Too many questions drone in and out of frequency, while repressed anger and frustration boils inside my stomach causing an itch to crawl over my body, I rub my ears vigorously with the palm of my hands -I feel my ears ache and burn with friction- as my heart gets launched up my trachea and an empty scream of heartache breaks through with hot tears. I want to hurt myself at this point, wanting to throw things, destroy anything and everything that's around me because I no longer care. I'm now numb and blind with emotion but there's still that other me, keeping my body in control; stopping me from being destructive. That little me that is still conscious throughout everything, has saved me multiple times from collapsing onto myself. I don't understand that little me, how or why she's there.
I don't understand a lot about myself. I guess many people don't. People do a lot of stupid and crazy things for their own reasons. People break. People hurt and suffer, while others watch with pleasure. The human brain really does fascinate me.