Thursday 9th November 2017 00:43
...okay I talked myself back into this, and I've made a promise to myself, for the billionth time, that I'm not going to give up. So let's see how many days I can keep this up for, before I get bored shall we? Alrighty, so... Back story.
Of what childhood I remember having, it was alright until I moved countries. I moved to England at the age of 4, and quickly adapted. I went to school and was learning fast. I was getting certificates and awards for things, I was a pretty good student. Fast-forward a few years. I'm now about 7ish, and school is shit. My dad had passed away around this time too. I'm getting picked on by a group of girls because I had a funny name. Getting picked on grew into full blown bullying. To the point where I would skip school, act up in class, and just try to avoid the whole school situation as I could. I started smoking, drinking and getting high by the age of 13. I also fell into a huge depressive state for a good few years because of a pedophile my mother was married too. Moved to Thailand at the age of 15 turning 16, and it was another rollercoaster of a ride too. Fell in-love, cheated, became a vile person, changed completely as a person (I do that alot), reunited with my first love and four years later we are living in the UK and trying to adjust to adulthood
My mother always told me that I had always been a miserable child. Thought I had bi-polar, but never really went into further investigation. I was free spirited should I say. I guess I've always been unsure about myself. I'm a strange one, and I know because I compare myself to a lot of people. I never used too, until people started doing it. Compared me to better people, talented, beautiful, smart and appear to have their shit together. People didn't expect much from me and so I stopped expecting much from myself. I honestly hate the way my mind works. It's like, a nuke went off in my brain and everything is in a post-apocalyptic state. It's a mess 👌 Streams of fucked up thoughts pollute my mind 97% of the time. I'm debating if I should get help or just let it ride out. It's a pretty one sided debate at the moment, but maybe one day I'll talk to someone. I mean, it's a shit ton of repressed emotions. And on the note of repressed emotions, I'm going to keep them repressed for a while because they're repressed for a reason.