Wednesday 8th November 2017 23:34
Hi. I have a very self destructive personality. Do I like it? Of course not. Do I do anything about it? No, because I don't have the motivation to do fuck all. I talk myself out of doing anything before an idea of doing something, pops into my mind. It's difficult, yes deep sigh 'tis but is life. I'm writing purely because I need some kind of distractive release, and I've always enjoyed writing – so I'm doing it 👍 it's something to just let my mind splurge all of its crap out and so I can look back and read how I've developed and hopefully improved (fingers crossed).
Lately I've been feeling like shit. To put it bluntly. I've been weeping my soul out, throwing things and ripping up paper – writing destructive thoughts out onto the ripped pieces of paper; my bedroom looked like a warzone. All because I think I'm worthless. I'm a waste of a person. I'm selfish. Manipulative, e.t.c. The list goes on for a good novel. All I've been doing is wallowing in self-hatred and pity, feeling depressed and not looking after myself in general. I don't understand why I get these thoughts because I've had them since I was very young. (It's time for a back story, dun dun duuuun. Side note- Im writing this as it's fresh from the brain, so everything is everywhere and we most likely won't have a point to any of this. So.... Ah shit)