Well.... That went amazingly well. I kept up with what I said... Yeah. I failed, again. I couldn't write because I didn't know what to write eventhough, it says my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts are too fucked up to be shared.
I stabbed a yoga ball multiple times to get my anger and frustration out, punching myself on the head and smacking my head against walls is a new fave. I do this to myself, so I shouldn't even be dwelling on “why am I like this?” I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. I'm fully aware that I may need help. But will I? Possibly, not.
Being a walking contradiction isn't that great either. You say one thing and then you say another and change your mind. Indecisiveness. Wait. I lost my trail of thought there Sigh sometimes I think it's the world that makes me miserable. But that could also just be me wanting something/someone to blame for my misery. There really is no-one to blame for this, but myself. I was born this way and I gotta accept it. As hard as it is to accept my pathetic self, I gotta do it sometime, right?